I’ll start.
We had great chemistry but different goals. She was religious and looking to marry and thought she could change me, a non-religious person who intends to remain unmarried and childless. I was up front about the lack of religion and the lack of desire for marriage. She was not up front about her intent to change me.
After two months of regular flings she told me we couldn’t see each other anymore, because she wanted someone to go to church with, it was my fault she was living a sinful life (totally), and she was cheating on me with another dude was a Christian.
We were together 13 years. We both grew as people but not together. I did a lot of therapy and finding myself. He kept pushing everything down and refusing to experience his feelings. We were never bad to each other we just kinda… Became roommates over time. We basically stopped being intimate both physically and emotionally.
One day we sat down, talked about where we’ve been, what we both want, what our ideal future is, and realized we were going in different directions. We decided to get divorced. We lived together for another year and a half after that because we own the house together.
I moved out a few months ago. We still talk every day, share pictures of the animals that we each kept, we’re good friends. We just didn’t open up to each other the last few years. He’s done therapy and started some self exploration since we decided to divorce. He seems much happier. We’re both dating other people and we’re both genuinely happy for each other.
May have lost a husband but, I definitely did not lose a friend. This was literally the best divorce you could ask for. I hope the best for him.
Oof jeez I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and this sounds like such a familiar story. We’ve talked about splitting up but are giving couples therapy a chance for now. I really can’t see it going anywhere if he doesn’t choose to help himself though. I am too tired and feel like I am enabling more than anything.
Glad to hear it worked out okay for you. Hope you’re well.
I’m actually doing great now. That was kind of my catalyst too. He wasn’t doing anything for himself. Thankfully he’s done a lot since I let and I’m very proud of him. Good luck. You deserve to be happy.
I’m in an eerily similar situation. Married 14 years, getting a divorce soon after she decided she was no longer attracted to me after about a year of her trying and internalizing her feelings.
I’m hoping I can have a friendship with her, but this all happened a month ago so it’s too fresh to tell if that can happen
Yeah that’s too new to decide. Good luck friend. Even though I was the one who initiated it for me, it still sucked and hurt. I have no regrets now and neither does he but it will absolutely take time to get there.