There are some people in my university who are jealous of me and whenever I do some message, they reply me with messages that have that sarcasm that look funny and insulting and I don’t have any comebacks for them. They also get more reaction and when I do msgs, more people gather and intensify hate. I want to have comebacks but I don’t know how to.
Memorize the comebacks you like, and workshop new ones.
But also…witty comebacks aren’t as helpful as you think. Like they very rarely deescalate situations or even indicate that the other person is being rude.
Like I typically use witty comebacks when I’m either trying to be silly, or I’m serious but I’ve given up on the person I’m talking to and I just want to make them look foolish for everyone else (which is rare).
whenever I do some message, they reply me with messages that have that sarcasm that look funny and insulting and I don’t have any comebacks for them.
Say “Hey I think you’re being super rude and I don’t know what I did to deserve that.” No comebacks needed. If they don’t respond constructively, then literally just tell them to fuck off and disengage. You don’t have to tolerate people stepping on you.
Yeah this is like kryptonite to people looking for an argument. Just be the opposite of their snarky sarcastic selves and instead reply by being totally open and guileless.
Don’t.
Remove people who regularly insult you ("haha, it was just a joke, can’t you take anything?) from your life. They will suck your soul out in the long run. If you can’t avoid dealing with them keep it very formal.
You can prepare a few stock answers for them (to repeat whenever you need them), something like “That was disrespectful, please stop it”. (In your own words) You also might want to read up on setting and enforcing boundaries and red lines.
To train your spontaneity try improv workshops, but that’s something you do with people whom you feel safe with, who do respect you.
You are not the only one whom they use as the butt of their jokes, so just hang around with people who are better for you. People who are making hurtful “jokes” are simply disrespectful. You can’t change that by lowering yourself to their level and bitching back.
And build your creativity having fun, not fighting back. The idiots are not worthy of your time, of what you think, of what you do.
I mean, the real answer to your problem is not to engage; not to feed the trolls. They get more reactions because they don’t care about what’s being said, just that they can bait you into replying. In this case, the best comeback is silence.
If I wanted my comeback, I would have wiped it off your mother’s face.
Please do. I hate my mother.
How appropriate, you fight like a cow!
I am rubber, you are glue.
two words
Have you considered sneaking up behind them and hitting them in the head with a brick?
nah
Step 1: Be bullied from a young age in school.
Step 2: Be raised by apathetic sociopathic narrcistists and have no outlet for your negative emotions at home.
Step 3: Realize that the only way to have your peace, is by standing your ground verbally.
Step 4: Walk the fine line between being insultingly witty enough without getting the shit kicked out of you.
Step 6: Be soul crushingly lonely.
Step 7: Do that for 20 years.
Step 8: Have good comebacks for any online comments people throw at you.
Step 9: ???
Step 10: Profit.God, you and I must be soul twins. Now I am middle aged, and I can clap back so hard, no one laughs… until the recipient leaves the room. Then they all come up to me as if I just gave a beautifully funny wedding toast.
I am not lonely, and I am not a dick. Just a fucking prick.
But you just about described my life.
You have to be witty to have witty comebacks.
How to be witty?
My real advice mimics others in this thread. Even if you “win” arguments, it will be a hollow victory and not improve your life or make you feel better. It’s not a healthy goal to focus on.
Tap for other advice
However, I also believe that people never actually listen when you teach them life lessons; they have to experience it themselves first.
Start by practicing with some LLM chatbot. Tell it to insult you, replicating the bully’s methods and tactics. The goal is to desensitise yourself to toxicity, so you can be witty instead of hurt. Ask it to rate how well you responded. Careful to not get addicted to this or lose track of reality; only do it for a week or two maximum to get started in a sandboxed environment.
Next, practice making jokes in Discord voice chat communities and getting real people to laugh. Then practice improv or even stand up comedy. You can find many tutorials online, even better if you can find something in person.
Basically you’re trying to train the part of your brain that is creative under time pressure. This is still a useful skill to have, even outside of witty comebacks.
Adhd and a shitty childhood?
idk about adhd but i have kinda shit childhood
I’m interested in what message you’re delivering to the world.
Well, I want to have revenge and be the most evil I can ever be yet there is something in me that says hey you are poor, you cannot afford being a heartless jerk but I am feeling so hurt these days by almost everyone who is close to me that I will be taking revenge from them all and will damage them to the core of their selves.
It sounds like you’ve been having a rough time. Revenge sounds cool and all, but isn’t typically productive. Instead, i suggest using your energy on something that benefits you. Exercise and education are good starting points.
Prepare templates in advance. Maintain an unhealthy obsession with preemptively mapping all possible conversation paths.
ignore them.
don’t feed the trolls.
I say this with love. If you’re the kind of person to ask how to be witty online I am going to suggest that you are probably going to have better luck just being your earnest self.
Don’t try to pretend to be a fast talking jerk. It won’t suit you, and it’s not who you are. You are clearly a sensitive person who takes the words and feelings of others to heart.
Much better to build a reputation for being a kind, thoughtful person who tries their best and doesn’t let others bring them down.
I did what you said and this is the reason people mock me and won’t be my friends. I have learned this that people don’t like originality. They are fake and they want others to be fake just to avoid the harshness of reality.
Good. Actually that’s great. You’ve learned to successfully repel vapid jerks. If you went on to try to mimic them all you’d accomplish is to surround yourself with assholes you don’t like.
By being straightforward and earnest you are putting out a beacon for people who will like you for who you really are; people who you’ll actually enjoy hanging out with.
I say this with experience, you may never meet more than a few people who you really really like in this life, and who feel the same way about you, but with those friends you’ll have a bond like iron.
If you’re of traditional university age and not mature students, you’re all still kids. You might be of legal age and thus qualify as “mature” by some standards, but in 20 years you’ll look back and realise that, yeah, you were all still basically kids.
This explains their juvenile behaviour and why it feels right that you need to retaliate and win.
Avoid these people as much as you can. Have nothing to do with them. The best revenge here is to do well with your studies and get better grades than they do. And if you don’t, at least you can say you tried your best.
If they begin to attack you physically or steal things from you, the situation is different than back at school, because you can have them cautioned, thrown off the course or even arrested. As long as you have evidence.
So if you really must do something, start making a record of who said what to you and when. And don’t be anywhere alone with them.
We are in 18-22 age group.
That’s what I thought.
I remember being that age, and you still have a lot of growing up to do, even if the very idea feels like an insult.
The advice still stands.
Best thing to do is ignore them as most replies are going to add fuel to the fire, because it’s likely your reaction that they’re entertained by.
Wit, however, is a skill like anything, and actually delivering a sick burn on the spot when it counts is hard, and takes time to be good at. (Timing and delivery are key, if you waver at all, even a good retort will flop)
What I would say is just continue being yourself and don’t let the haters get you down, because it sounds to me like maybe you’re focusing on the right things at school, and maybe they’re not.
With a good attitude, a clear conscience and your head held high, you’ll always come out better off than them in the long run.
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My 2 cents on this: it doesn’t really matter. Are these people that are important in your life? If not you can just say “if that’s your opinion”. Even if you get the world’s greatest comeback, you will only use your time and energy on people that probably don’t matter and you probably won’t stop people from having an opinion. You can’t control how people will react to you, but you can control how you respond. Don’t waste your life trying to justify yourself to others
well apart from justifying, I just wanna have a little fun from them too. Like they can get away having fun from me so I think I should also get away having fun from them.
