Again, I downplay it. If I get a massive bonus for Christmas and am asked what I got by a friend I’d said “yeah, I got a bit extra this year” or something. Not “I’m fucking rolling in it, bitches!” if I know they’re struggling. Just an example…
I think there’s a big difference between that and doing it when it’s about a person. I’d imagine the conversation was something like “My husband can’t cook at all, how’s yours?” and she responded that he’s great while the other women agreed that their husbands were awful. Would you instead make your husband sound worse than he is just to fit in with the group? How would you feel about it if it got back to him that you’d said that? Or, conversely, how would you feel about it if you found out that your SO was bad-mouthing you to their friends behind your back just to fit in?
I know for me, if I found out that my wife was complimenting something I did to her friends, that would make my day; if I found out she was downplaying something I thought I did well, it would make me feel pretty awful.
And in that same vein hearing that there are good partners is important for people with bad ones. Some people think that they can’t get a partner that’s good (often assuming all people of a gender or social role are similar in some vein) and by countering that narrative you can help friends find happiness.
One woman I play d&d with is given a few hours every week or two to go out and play a game with friends while her husband watches the kids. Someone whose husband either doesn’t or can’t competently watch their kids may need to hear that some dads are more than capable of having a few hours alone with an infant and toddler so their wife can maintain a social life outside of just parent friends.
LOL that would be hilarious in my friend circle. Thanks for being so sincere but that kind of response would have us rolling. And a couple of Fuck you’s thrown in at the same time.
![Having a good partner [PizzaCake]](https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/3c29d75b-f0f5-4c4b-ad7a-5dd4bfeb0f06.webp){kind=link}
Again, I downplay it. If I get a massive bonus for Christmas and am asked what I got by a friend I’d said “yeah, I got a bit extra this year” or something. Not “I’m fucking rolling in it, bitches!” if I know they’re struggling. Just an example…
I think there’s a big difference between that and doing it when it’s about a person. I’d imagine the conversation was something like “My husband can’t cook at all, how’s yours?” and she responded that he’s great while the other women agreed that their husbands were awful. Would you instead make your husband sound worse than he is just to fit in with the group? How would you feel about it if it got back to him that you’d said that? Or, conversely, how would you feel about it if you found out that your SO was bad-mouthing you to their friends behind your back just to fit in?
I know for me, if I found out that my wife was complimenting something I did to her friends, that would make my day; if I found out she was downplaying something I thought I did well, it would make me feel pretty awful.
And in that same vein hearing that there are good partners is important for people with bad ones. Some people think that they can’t get a partner that’s good (often assuming all people of a gender or social role are similar in some vein) and by countering that narrative you can help friends find happiness.
One woman I play d&d with is given a few hours every week or two to go out and play a game with friends while her husband watches the kids. Someone whose husband either doesn’t or can’t competently watch their kids may need to hear that some dads are more than capable of having a few hours alone with an infant and toddler so their wife can maintain a social life outside of just parent friends.
LOL that would be hilarious in my friend circle. Thanks for being so sincere but that kind of response would have us rolling. And a couple of Fuck you’s thrown in at the same time.