But i think that’s exactly the point being made, there shouldn’t be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.
Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.
Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.
It’s disappointing because we don’t talk more about what it should be like. We don’t expect men to do better about it. If someone had taught me how important it was and what things were at stake for women’s first time, I’d have done it a lot differently.
Many women, if not nearly all, carry trauma from their first time as well.
Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.
Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.
In which scenario would you expect to feel better.
What you’re saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.
That’s a pretty extraordinary reading of what I said. “A traumatic experience can be real and serious without permanently defining your identity” is almost the opposite of victim blaming.
I haven’t blamed anyone for being traumatised, or suggested they caused their own distress. I’m saying that we don’t need to reinforce the idea that a bad first sexual experience means something fundamental has been permanently lost or changed about them.
You’re determined to collapse “this experience can be traumatic” into “therefore virginity should carry this enormous cultural significance”, but the second simply doesn’t follow from the first, and there’s no good reason to force it to.
But i think that’s exactly the point being made, there shouldn’t be that much pressure on it because it is very often disappointing. Building it up in your head as a moment that will define you often has no benefit to your life.
Bible shaggers will disagree for obvious reasons, but nobody is going to them for measured romantic and sexual advice.
Have sex when you feel ready. Make it special if you want to. No need to make it an implicit societal pressure.
It’s disappointing because we don’t talk more about what it should be like. We don’t expect men to do better about it. If someone had taught me how important it was and what things were at stake for women’s first time, I’d have done it a lot differently.
Many women, if not nearly all, carry trauma from their first time as well.
It should be talked about, in that we agree. Sex ed should include what to do, what to expect, and how to have fun as well as protecting oneself.
I am also a woman and I have no trauma from my first time. It was with my bf at the time, but it still wasn’t anything special.
Unfortunately the fact that it wasn’t traumatizing is pretty special, you just never needed to find that out fortunately
I would like a source on most if not all women experience trauma from losing their virginity. Because my experience really isn’t that special.
It was fumbling, silly, nervous, sure. But not traumatic.
I think thats exactly why this sentiment is being fielded.
It allows a separation from what can easily be a less than pleasant experience that society often puts a lot of pressure on.
That actually makes it worse. Trauma is healed by being acknowledged, not trivialized.
Consider the consequences of associating what you consider a defining moment of your sexual identity with trauma, forever.
Consider then, a mindset where that moment does not define your sexual identity.
In which scenario would you expect to feel better.
What you’re saying is how to deal with an event after it happens, the topic here is how to shape your expectations before the event, to avoid a worse fallout. Regardless of how negative the experience is.
Please don’t go around telling people trauma is a mindset again.
Re-read my last. You’re making a slightly different distinction to uphold this point, and it doesnt really make sense.
Your thinly veiled victim blaming talking points are not as subtle as you think cowboy.
That’s a pretty extraordinary reading of what I said. “A traumatic experience can be real and serious without permanently defining your identity” is almost the opposite of victim blaming.
I haven’t blamed anyone for being traumatised, or suggested they caused their own distress. I’m saying that we don’t need to reinforce the idea that a bad first sexual experience means something fundamental has been permanently lost or changed about them.
You’re determined to collapse “this experience can be traumatic” into “therefore virginity should carry this enormous cultural significance”, but the second simply doesn’t follow from the first, and there’s no good reason to force it to.