…I’m a guy, and I remember defaulting to “bragging” about having a 19 year old girlfriend when I was 14. That seemed socially appropriate because of the praise I got. My partner at the time apologized like that too and I , also, was confused.
When I remembered what happened the first time it was pretty bad.
I was spending the night at my friends house while both our parents went out and she was the “adult” in case anything would happen while they were gone. She kept walking by the door in less and less clothing.
Then I remember her bringing us some snacks and drinks in her underwear for our video game marathon which caught my attention. We intended to stay up all night so I was confused when my friend fell asleep kinda suddenly.
I wasn’t tired so I kept playing. She comes out into the living room in only a towel, and just came over and took it from me, like. No words exchanged or anything just kissed me on the forehead when she was done with me. My friend is still snoring.
Suddenly I wanted to spend the night every weekend. Same scenario though, my friend would zonk out after snacks and she would come in and use me up. Of course it took me decades to realize she was drugging her brother so she could do that to me. I thought she loved me so I started treating her like a girlfriend. My parents picked up on it and did nothing. Said nothing. Took me to go hang out with her alone often.
Even now it’s really disgusting to think about. She is no longer alive so I can’t really do anything or tell her it was fucked up.
I have a hard time connecting to people. I think that’s why.
Therapy has been really helpful. I don’t want to tell the whole story to anyone I know so being able to dump it all on some old lady that I don’t know is kinda amazing.
😢 that is so upsetting the adults reinforced it and approved it and encouraged it, how confusing it must have been, you were just a kid, yeah you kinda liked it but when we look back on things in retrospect through our adult eyes we see clearly, and your adults should have known better through their own adult understanding and they should have protected you. Because children & adults are simply incompatible as sexual partners and almost always causes lifelong psychological & social trauma for the victim 😢
What made you start to realise it was fucked up? Is it when you realised you’d been used rather than loved? And how might it affect how you’re able to connect with people now?
Just trying to understand how we go from celebrating a situation to feeling scared by it.
I saw her at the store one day a few years ago. We exchanged pleasantries and all that you’d do seeing an Ex, which is how I saw her in the moment. Something bothered me for a while after that. I couldn’t believe how short she was! Like she was less than 5 feet but I didn’t think I was a full foot and a half taller than her.
That’s because I wasn’t much taller than her then. I hadn’t finished growing. And then I remembered how it all went down. Realizing it could have had meaning to it, with someone I at least knew and maybe cared about. The fact that even my parents were just fine with it started to make me sick.
Started thinking about relationships in my adult life and how none of them have been satisfying. I’ve never been close enough to anyone to really have that kind of bond with. Being used and praised for it is a mindfuck.
![Realization [PizzaCake]](https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/58eacea0-b255-4a2d-b579-35265a7cffee.png){kind=link}
…I’m a guy, and I remember defaulting to “bragging” about having a 19 year old girlfriend when I was 14. That seemed socially appropriate because of the praise I got. My partner at the time apologized like that too and I , also, was confused.
When I remembered what happened the first time it was pretty bad.
I was spending the night at my friends house while both our parents went out and she was the “adult” in case anything would happen while they were gone. She kept walking by the door in less and less clothing.
Then I remember her bringing us some snacks and drinks in her underwear for our video game marathon which caught my attention. We intended to stay up all night so I was confused when my friend fell asleep kinda suddenly.
I wasn’t tired so I kept playing. She comes out into the living room in only a towel, and just came over and took it from me, like. No words exchanged or anything just kissed me on the forehead when she was done with me. My friend is still snoring.
Suddenly I wanted to spend the night every weekend. Same scenario though, my friend would zonk out after snacks and she would come in and use me up. Of course it took me decades to realize she was drugging her brother so she could do that to me. I thought she loved me so I started treating her like a girlfriend. My parents picked up on it and did nothing. Said nothing. Took me to go hang out with her alone often.
Even now it’s really disgusting to think about. She is no longer alive so I can’t really do anything or tell her it was fucked up.
I have a hard time connecting to people. I think that’s why.
I’m sorry that happened to you, that was fucked up.
Therapy has been really helpful. I don’t want to tell the whole story to anyone I know so being able to dump it all on some old lady that I don’t know is kinda amazing.
Im doing better about it now. Thank you.
😢 that is so upsetting the adults reinforced it and approved it and encouraged it, how confusing it must have been, you were just a kid, yeah you kinda liked it but when we look back on things in retrospect through our adult eyes we see clearly, and your adults should have known better through their own adult understanding and they should have protected you. Because children & adults are simply incompatible as sexual partners and almost always causes lifelong psychological & social trauma for the victim 😢
What made you start to realise it was fucked up? Is it when you realised you’d been used rather than loved? And how might it affect how you’re able to connect with people now?
Just trying to understand how we go from celebrating a situation to feeling scared by it.
I saw her at the store one day a few years ago. We exchanged pleasantries and all that you’d do seeing an Ex, which is how I saw her in the moment. Something bothered me for a while after that. I couldn’t believe how short she was! Like she was less than 5 feet but I didn’t think I was a full foot and a half taller than her.
That’s because I wasn’t much taller than her then. I hadn’t finished growing. And then I remembered how it all went down. Realizing it could have had meaning to it, with someone I at least knew and maybe cared about. The fact that even my parents were just fine with it started to make me sick.
Started thinking about relationships in my adult life and how none of them have been satisfying. I’ve never been close enough to anyone to really have that kind of bond with. Being used and praised for it is a mindfuck.
This sounds exactly like the book The Reader, a fictional story but eerily similar to this comment :(
It doesn’t sound like a book I’d enjoy, but I’ll check it out. I force myself to read things I don’t enjoy from time to time.