If you’re outwardly likable, relatable and able to be all chatty smiles and eye contact with everyone you meet, people are going to be much nicer to you because they’ve assumed much nicer things about you.
Due to this, you probably only have pleasant connotations with frequenting places where you are noticed by for your habits by strangers.
Shopping online is much less stressful imo. And if I want a fresh cheesecake, I make it myself.
And how long before it’s decided that I’m being rude for not making eye contact or replying to a question wrong, and then my appearence/behaviour starts being scrutinised whenever they see me?
All my little otherwise mostly unoffensive differences then start piling up and adding to any negative feelings these people have about me, and then one day it’s decided that I’m just ‘too spacy’ so I must be ‘on drugs’ or my flinching at loud noises means I’m ‘proper crazy’.
Then if I keep going to this shop and I ignore the random smirking/whispering from behind the counter and/or the security guard following half a step behind me, and I write off any hostile or weird behaviour towards me as these people obviously just having a bad day as surely it can’t be my fault, I don’t even recognise them etc, … you can guess how charming people start being then, I’m sure.
I’m gonna be honest, in every customer service job I’ve worked I would not have given any of that a second thought. Working in a supermarket / bar / cafe etc means you see some actual arseholes easily often enough that “acting a bit odd” or “dressed unusually” doesn’t even register. You have my sympathy for any unpleasant experiences like that that you’ve had, because obviously just as much as customers can be arseholes so can employees, but most people on both sides of that just want to go about their day
There’s a meme for long ago with two women giggling and pointing. The anxiety riddled person thinks they are being laughted at. The confident person sees their behavior as flirting.
I’m pretty good at being as you described and I still prefer online shopping whenever possible. Ah, the joys of introversion! People are often surprised when I describe myself as an introvert, and my response is that I fake extroversion well.
Oh, you don’t have to be likeable to have pleasant shopping experiences. Good manners is a good starting point… And I’m not being sarcastic or demeaning; many customers can’t or won’t be civil.
I wish I had that self-control all the time! Sometimes my autistic mind can only answer to what is asked, and with strangers I cannot often even change the subject. My head just goes blank, and I exist as something else than myself. My thoughts are the words that come out of my mouth, and I know what they are only, as I say them. It is wild, and kind of scary.
At the end of the day if you do genuinely come across as a loser… well all that has happened is a stranger thought you were kind of a loser. That doesn’t actually matter much at the end of the day. We’re all kinda awkward sometimes; some of us much more often than others, and sometimes it’s because of autism or similar, but in a random small talk interaction you can at least take comfort in that you’ve not hurt anyone or damaged anything, you just had a somewhat bad short conversation
I have a number of stores I shop at regularly and I am on a first name basis with the owners. But, the nearest places that have other stores are 50+ miles away. A hazard of living in the middle of nowhere I suppose.
Are people afraid to be regular customers? Do they go out of their way to shop at different places all the time?
If you’re outwardly likable, relatable and able to be all chatty smiles and eye contact with everyone you meet, people are going to be much nicer to you because they’ve assumed much nicer things about you.
Due to this, you probably only have pleasant connotations with frequenting places where you are noticed by for your habits by strangers.
Shopping online is much less stressful imo. And if I want a fresh cheesecake, I make it myself.
Sure, but unless you’re actively unpleasant as a customer then becoming a recognised regular shouldn’t be any worse than a neutral thing
And how long before it’s decided that I’m being rude for not making eye contact or replying to a question wrong, and then my appearence/behaviour starts being scrutinised whenever they see me?
All my little otherwise mostly unoffensive differences then start piling up and adding to any negative feelings these people have about me, and then one day it’s decided that I’m just ‘too spacy’ so I must be ‘on drugs’ or my flinching at loud noises means I’m ‘proper crazy’.
Then if I keep going to this shop and I ignore the random smirking/whispering from behind the counter and/or the security guard following half a step behind me, and I write off any hostile or weird behaviour towards me as these people obviously just having a bad day as surely it can’t be my fault, I don’t even recognise them etc, … you can guess how charming people start being then, I’m sure.
I’m gonna be honest, in every customer service job I’ve worked I would not have given any of that a second thought. Working in a supermarket / bar / cafe etc means you see some actual arseholes easily often enough that “acting a bit odd” or “dressed unusually” doesn’t even register. You have my sympathy for any unpleasant experiences like that that you’ve had, because obviously just as much as customers can be arseholes so can employees, but most people on both sides of that just want to go about their day
You’re in your head. No one cares this much.
There’s a meme for long ago with two women giggling and pointing. The anxiety riddled person thinks they are being laughted at. The confident person sees their behavior as flirting.
I’m pretty good at being as you described and I still prefer online shopping whenever possible. Ah, the joys of introversion! People are often surprised when I describe myself as an introvert, and my response is that I fake extroversion well.
Oh, you don’t have to be likeable to have pleasant shopping experiences. Good manners is a good starting point… And I’m not being sarcastic or demeaning; many customers can’t or won’t be civil.
That’s some serious level of antisocial if you have to make things yourself rather than go out and buy them.
What if they try to go past NPC speak and I have to talk about my cringe ass hobbies, then they find out I’m a weird loser?
You don’t have to.
You have 💫self control✨like literally control over what you want to talk about.
I wish I had that self-control all the time! Sometimes my autistic mind can only answer to what is asked, and with strangers I cannot often even change the subject. My head just goes blank, and I exist as something else than myself. My thoughts are the words that come out of my mouth, and I know what they are only, as I say them. It is wild, and kind of scary.
At the end of the day if you do genuinely come across as a loser… well all that has happened is a stranger thought you were kind of a loser. That doesn’t actually matter much at the end of the day. We’re all kinda awkward sometimes; some of us much more often than others, and sometimes it’s because of autism or similar, but in a random small talk interaction you can at least take comfort in that you’ve not hurt anyone or damaged anything, you just had a somewhat bad short conversation
New title for my memoir
Or
Title of my sex tape
I have a number of stores I shop at regularly and I am on a first name basis with the owners. But, the nearest places that have other stores are 50+ miles away. A hazard of living in the middle of nowhere I suppose.