I’ve been passively studying stoicism for the pest few years, and while some of the strategies meant for dealing with certain aspects of my psyche (like envisioning a stop sign when feeling triggered), others sound a bit too defeatist to me. Committing oneself to any singular concept is the fall of man, so I’ll definitely look into Taoism after your recommendation. Thanks!

Thanks for the advice, and for insight on the job market.

Oddly enough, just did the math and ~60% spending power in 15 years alongside what I save up to that point might actually be doable. I have zero debt aside from the mortgage (costing significantly less than current avg rent costs), a car purchased outright new in 2024, all major household concerns addressed over past five years (new roof, new HVAC systems, new sump pump, renovated bathrooms, new 10x10 shed).

I believe I’m dying, but my doctor thinks otherwise. Clean bill of health with all milestone checklist procedures completed. Family life expectancy is the kinda average 68-74 (cancer, heart disease).

Of course the unknown and the $$$$ that requires, but otherwise, doable?

I’m always looking for new opportunities. Of the 15 years, I would be willing to sacrifice 5 to learn a trade of some sort, and then the remaining 10 (or more if I like the work or start my own business) working in that field. The unknown is just so f’n scary at my age. What happens when I follow my dreams (there are none) or pivot into a financial disaster of my own doing and end up struggling through poverty in my later years? My safety net is my savings. Not much of a net. No family remaining. Literally no friends. Transplant to this area 19 years ago and wound up alone after several absurd failures. Never took the time to make friends, since I believed my wife-not-wife’s theory of not needing anything but each other. She loved adultery.

I’m doing it for a few reasons. 1) It’s free education and I enjoy learning, 2) Spite (my immediate supervisor was promoted over me with a high school diploma), 3) I’m hoping it will both give me something to do over the next few years AND give me the sensation of fulfillment or satisfaction knowing I have reached and completed the highest level of post secondary education. An accomplishment I’m hoping I can hang a hat on. I think this is subconsciously the real reason.

Our entry level positions begin at $35k. You don’t want this smoke. 😁

Excellent points. I would love to start my own side hustle, perhaps consulting, but I literally don’t know the first thing about any of that. I do however know the ins and outs of a 501©(3). Capstone for my MS was developing a strategic plan for a local non-profit. They loved it so much, they made me a Board member. Did that for three years before realizing it was more of a social club for white retired women. Resigned from the org, and two years later they closed up shop. Turns out, they were banking on gaining a pipe dream celebrity endorsement (Ellen DeGeneres of all inhuman cretins) instead of following the strategic plan.

I am both these. Happy(ish), yet unsatisfied. But I think I’m unsatisfied because my brain insists on holding me to a level of excellence I cannot exhibit let alone maintain.

You’ll love this. Two years ago on the last cycle of promotions after our long time director finally retired, I was set to advance from an assistant director to a director role. This would either have been the primary CIO position, or a second in charge role. Well, the CIO position was given to a guy the former boss had been priming for the role (god fearing, white, christian) for no good reason aside from him having a PhD. Fine, earned, I suppose. Well that should certainly align me for the second in charge seeing as I have the next highest level of education completed (three degrees: AS, BS, MS). ~screeching brakes~ NOPE! The new director instead promotes his best buddy to director over me. Nepotism, not fine, but it exists. Here’s the kicker, the guy he promoted not only has fewer years with our employer, his highest level of completed education is high school. That’s right. It’s all in who you blow. (they drive matching Subarus)

Immediate reply is probably, “Why are you still there?”

If I’m working towards a PhD I am too smart to waste my life working a boring job

Best compliment I’ve received in what seems to be a lifetime. Unfortunately, the boring job provides the means to earn the PhD. So I would need to stick it out at least another 3.5 years. Allowing time for absurdities, I’m giving myself until age 52 to complete it. Need a deadline or I’ll just chip away at it forever.

Teaching is likely where I will end up. I’m already responsible for employee onboarding (it’s an email), and have conducted many public speaking affairs, most involving some new change to something nobody is going to love. Or “special projects” as they like to call them. The projects I’m given are those others have failed because I’m a mark for getting stuff done. I could teach as an adjunct now with my masters, but the pay is abysmal.

Homeowner, 1500 sq ft, single family home. Built in early 00s. Been here for almost 9 years.

Yep, sorry about that. I was trying to make this sound as unrelated to my actual situation as possible when I originally posted. Gave up the ghost on that almost immediately. WV eastern panhandle is where I’m located. Work in VA. On the edge of what they call the DMV (Delaware, Maryland, VA). Yes, they omit the omnipresent WV lurking just alongside big money northern VA in the colloquialism. Our area has just as many people commuting to DC for six figures, as we have folks living in squalor. It’s definitely WV up in here, but maybe a little shinier.

Soldering. I have two kits. From the little I’ve watched online, I’ve learned my father soldered incorrectly his entire life. Flux? Never heard of the guy. I have three dualsense controllers with drift, and three sets of replacement sticks. Requires soldering. Everything ready to go, no motivation to do any of it.

You’re focusing too much on what you are supposed to do and too little on what you could be doing.

Absolutely, but man is it a hard habit to break. Obviously one I’m struggling to break myself. I literally have a text note stating “Do what you want and do it for fun” on my phone’s lock screen and home screen. I’m trying my best to change my way of thinking about all of this, and rather lean into a "fuck it, it’s a paycheck, (most) everyone needs one, use all the money for fun and live deliciously because at least in my inevitable end, it will all just go to some charity.

I am looking for advice, and yes, this is totally my current situation.

Yeah, I’m cringing a bit at my “virtually unlimited” comment. For this situation, I’m currently sitting on roughly 500 hours of PTO medical leave.

Thanks for this! 47 has me feeling like I have one foot in the grave. I think that’s one of the reasons I’m pursuing this PhD. I mean, it’s free, I have oodles of on-the-clock time to do the work (7 hours a day), and it puts me back in school, which I seem to equate to youth. I’m not the oldest in the program either, which makes me feel a bit lighter in the casket.

Thanks! Excellent suggestions on finding one’s potential outside of employment. I need hobbies, friends, activities. I’m in a rut socially. I abandoned all social media around 2020 when the insane publicly identified a corrupt, sociopathic, pedophile and chose to make him a leader. My return to socials happened just this year, and you’re looking at the extent of it now.

Unfortunate events and failed relationships have guided me to this point socially. Nothing ever within my control, just the way things played out. But these instances cost me some serious time and wasted perspective. Example, I was once a family man. Thought that was my calling. Being a father. A husband. Didn’t work out. She discovered she was poly following our daughter’s birth. Infidelity, I try to divorce her, turns out we were never legally married despite having an officiated ceremony, reception, the whole nine. During the divorce process, it was discovered the state had no record of our marriage as the certificate had never been returned. Our officiant had us sign the documents immediately after the ceremony, and that was the last we saw them. So all of the family dynamics that play into a divorce were void. She sold the house, gained custody (VA loves to give custody to the mother, especially if they make more $$$) and moved away with our daughter just far enough to make scheduled visitation a challenge. I believe this was intentional, as she was not keen to me being disapproving of her poly lifestyle. She’s insane.

I can dig this. How do you break that cycle of thinking? That it’s acceptable to not capitalize on your potential. Is this in the vein of “life is what you make it?” I’m not making anything with my life.

Having a job was my parents only aspiration for me. They thought college was a waste of time, and that I would be better off finding a job in retail, working my way up the ladder into management like my father, and live with self-inflicted misery for the rest of my life.

I’ve been employed since 12 years old. I’d only been without a job for roughly 18 months back in the early 00s when I was furloughed from a customer service role at a bank. I was given a nice retention and severance bonus, so I took that money and started an associates degree. Finished it in under two years, picked up a part-time gig, transferred credits, worked and earned my bachelors.

I equate success to maintaining a job. Just the way I was wired, I suppose. I would much rather find success in something not involving money, but I can’t separate the idea of success from money. Capitalism.