They are like the wheel, but you put your penis in them.

This is inaccurate. We got here because of women. If men didn’t need to impress women to get nookie, they would have never left the trees.

…should have sent a poet

Trailer? I don’t even know 'er!

Everyone is going with the satanism or whatever non-Christian antics they are coming up with.

That’s too easy.

Study some Bible verses and understand the tenents of the religion. Learn enough about the family to find something you can use. Then break up with her by saying her family are heretics and state that reason. Tell her they’re all going to hell and close the door tight. Never talk to her again.