I was with you until the last one. Anyone who doesn’t put their toilet paper in the holder vertically is an idiot.

Of course they is! I seens ‘em in the water from a boat! Spittin’ water out their head!

“Maybe that’s what hell is, the entire rest of eternity spent in fucking Bruges.”

I still play “Tom Cruise Crazy” constantly

I totally read that as you being a Hobbit

Well, that should cut down the number of Floridians in the world…

Quickled.

The Smothers Brothers, Tim Minchin, and Tom Lehrer

Back when I sight read, I was more of an up and down sound kind of reader. Like, I wouldn’t think of the exact sound of a middle C, but I would have a sound that I called the C and go up and down from there as the piece went up and down the scale. Somewhere in there I’d also think about where the note that I’m seeing on the page would be played on the instrument.

Cranked as loud as the stereo will go:

• Hank Williams - Your Cheatin’ Heart
• The Carpenters - (They Long to be) Close to You
• Christopher Cross - Sailing
• Anything by Conway Twitty.

If necessary, find covers by the easiest of easy listening orchestras. If you want to have one album rather than individual songs, make it a Christmas album. I would recommend Loretta Lynn’s Country Christmas.

Instead of sailing around everywhere, Odysseus would be putting years’ worth of library books back on shelves.

I included “Using AI for things that could easily be done by hand” as one of the security risks.

The place where I work had a big “IT Security Week” thing. One day it was “How many security risks are on this desk?” Instead of setting up a desk and taking a picture, it was all AI.

“Ummm yeah, right. We hid him in the catering cart. He totally didn’t get stuck in there when he thought he saw loose McDonald’s fries on the floor of the cart.”

• When you’re playing tennis and the ball never comes back over the net.
• When you’re in a Barbershop Trio.
• When the warranties have run out on the current ones.
• When you look in the sand and there are no footprints.
• When you burst into tears every time you eat “Share Size” candy.
• When the short alien with the glowing finger goes back home.
• When the Jumbotron zooms in on you sitting there by yourself, and you’re forced to kiss your hand.
• When your friends didn’t invite you to the theme park and there was a tragic roller coaster accident.
• When you’re watching “Friends” and think that the characters are actually friends.

Same difference

We were at a listening room last week that had Mark Ronson curating the music. He played an old Stevie Wonder track, then a new track by Raye which he produced. He said listening to them back-to-back made him embarrassed/upset with the output because today they have to really crank the loudness and the compression since the majority of people are listening to it on their phones.

“Mutu-al of Oma-ha is people. That you can count on when the going’s rooouuugh” https://youtu.be/Mi6JK3jCZ7I

• Mystic Arts for D&D
• Taskmaster for Taskmaster
• Lessons from the Screenplay and Every Frame a Painting for movie theory (though both have slowed down a lot)
• El Train | Loop Kitchen for hip hop/sampling history
• NPR Music for Tiny Desk
• Team Coco for General Insanity
• Late Night with Seth Meyers for the only way I can watch news some days
• Triple J for the music

You need more music files, but I love the thumbholes in this to require less random access memory.