I’m talking about emotional and financial co-dependency, like people who can afford to live on their own, who don’t choose to do so because they are unable to leave the nest because they don’t know how to function without their parent taking care of them.
Normalizing dependency is not a good thing. There is a reason ‘living in your parents basement’ is an insult, and it’s not because of the economics of it. It’s because it shows a lack of ability to grow and mature and have a functional adult life. If you are still seeking parental approval and living off the bank of mom and dad you’re not a functional dult.
Nobody cares if a 22 year old is living at home while they sort out their first job and pay down their loans. But if you’re doing that at 35+ and you have no plans to move out for the rest of your life, that’s entirely different.
I actually think this whole concept of independence is pretty bad for society. Americans are so isolated. I get people have shit families but we often have shit families because of this concept of independence being so important.
We have 0 sense of community in America and it stems from the me, me, me, my independence stuff.
Cool. I don’t. I fucking love being independent and most independent people I know love it too. The most unhappy people I meet and have known were those who were co-dependent on their families, even if they were living alone, because they never developed emotional of fiscal dependence and a self of autonomy and self-actualization…
I don’t have a lack of a sense of community at all. But I go outside of my house and do fun shit at least 2-3 times a week. I don’t sit around on the internet complaining about how awful the world is and how awful my life is… weird how that works! Weird how being an independent self-actualizing adult is a really positive thing that makes life happy… and the alternative makes life miserable.
Almost as if you want to feel good about yourself you should… go outside and participate in life. Not sit around doom scrolling on a device in an online spaces in a cycle of self-pity and rage punctuated by bouts of feeling moral superior to other folks who don’t share in your politics or lifestyle choices
Dunno why you’re so aggro about it but okay. Nobody cares what you do and nobody is saying you don’t do them. Relax.
There is a difference between independent, in a community and codependent. It isn’t just codependent and independent.
You seem pretty angry though so maybe you should step back and think about why you’re so mad at others saying independence isn’t the greatest thing since slice bread lol
maybe because you have nothing of substance to say in reply and it makes you upset and it causes your brain to feel not so good and you want to lash out?
I suppose I’d have to disagree with that last statement, as someone who lives in a functioning multi-generational household lol. It’s not going to work for everyone every time, depending on circumstances, but having 3 generations in the house pooling resources is how most of the world does it.
It certainly helps to have a separate space/entrance for privacy and such, but now that we’re settled in, it’s far better than it was when we were going it alone. We have everything covered between the 3 adults, and then some: I work, cover utilities, build stuff, cook repair and maintain everything that needs repair and maintenance. The wife stays at home with our toddler. Her mom covers the mortgage and occasionally babysits when we need it. The occasional family friend who needs a place to crash for a while contributes their bit. We make adjustments here and there to keep everyone happy and maintain fairness. Everyone wins in this arrangement, and there’s no shame.
Your example is kind of an extreme trope IMO, I’ve only seen true “failure to launch” scenarios in media. I’m sure they exist somewhere, but it’s not too big an issue to be moralizing about.
Glad it works for you, for other folks, like myself, it would be a waking nightmare to live that way. Not everyone gets along with their family. For some people, being away from family is the only way they can be healthy and happy. For many people their families are nothing but a burden on them and a drain on their well-being. Not everyone has the luck of having family that is supportive and cooperative. Some of us come from families where our parents actively tried to fuck us over and fucked themselves over and we spend our entire life trying to get out of the self-imposed misery.
Further, again I"m not talking about multi-generational households by free choice or other cultural practices. I’m talking about people who are dependents, like they can’t function without their parents money or approval, and often are in toxic and abusive relationships with each other, where both parties would be better w/o the dependency.
You don’t understand anything.
Your IQ must be fucking in negative numbers.
The fucking problem is that social mobility is a fucking myth, we’re not all in the fucking privilege bubble you live in, and we’re the majority.
You think finding a job is that easy? Even worse with the AI boom.
And even if you find a job, it’s more likely to be a bad-paid shit job where you spend more going to your place of work than you get paid in wages. Then there is the issue that house prices are increasingly going up while wages are not only stagnating, but falling.
Social mobility is not a myth dude. But keep telling yourself that if makes you feel better about your life.
It’s true that many folks refuse to break the cycle of their misery. I’ve seen that countless times my entire life. Grew up in a shitty poor community full of people who fucked themselves over repeatedly, and well, I decided not to be like those people and my life got a lot better. And plenty of rich people out there actively choose to be miserable their entire lives. Money isn’t really the issue, so much as the cycle of shitty self-destructive choices and the refusal to change your life.
No, finding a job isn’t easy, but it’s also much harder when you have a shitty low-effort attitude. I hire people at my company. Most people who apply shoot themselves in the foot because they don’t know how to make themselves a appealing candidate.
Yeah well, that’s why you better get a job where your wages increase, shouldn’t you? Also why you should be saving and investing, and not blowing your money on short term bullshit like so many ‘poor’ people do.
Weird how many people I meet who are 35 and ‘broke’ who spend their entire life spending more than they made… funny how that works.
I’m talking about emotional and financial co-dependency, like people who can afford to live on their own, who don’t choose to do so because they are unable to leave the nest because they don’t know how to function without their parent taking care of them.
Normalizing dependency is not a good thing. There is a reason ‘living in your parents basement’ is an insult, and it’s not because of the economics of it. It’s because it shows a lack of ability to grow and mature and have a functional adult life. If you are still seeking parental approval and living off the bank of mom and dad you’re not a functional dult.
Nobody cares if a 22 year old is living at home while they sort out their first job and pay down their loans. But if you’re doing that at 35+ and you have no plans to move out for the rest of your life, that’s entirely different.
I actually think this whole concept of independence is pretty bad for society. Americans are so isolated. I get people have shit families but we often have shit families because of this concept of independence being so important.
We have 0 sense of community in America and it stems from the me, me, me, my independence stuff.
Cool. I don’t. I fucking love being independent and most independent people I know love it too. The most unhappy people I meet and have known were those who were co-dependent on their families, even if they were living alone, because they never developed emotional of fiscal dependence and a self of autonomy and self-actualization…
I don’t have a lack of a sense of community at all. But I go outside of my house and do fun shit at least 2-3 times a week. I don’t sit around on the internet complaining about how awful the world is and how awful my life is… weird how that works! Weird how being an independent self-actualizing adult is a really positive thing that makes life happy… and the alternative makes life miserable.
Almost as if you want to feel good about yourself you should… go outside and participate in life. Not sit around doom scrolling on a device in an online spaces in a cycle of self-pity and rage punctuated by bouts of feeling moral superior to other folks who don’t share in your politics or lifestyle choices
Dunno why you’re so aggro about it but okay. Nobody cares what you do and nobody is saying you don’t do them. Relax.
There is a difference between independent, in a community and codependent. It isn’t just codependent and independent.
You seem pretty angry though so maybe you should step back and think about why you’re so mad at others saying independence isn’t the greatest thing since slice bread lol
“let me tell you about how much I don’t care about what you say”
are you sure you’re not projecting your own anger here? entirely?
Community has nothing to do with it. You are either independent, or co-dependent on someone else. It’s a choice you make.
But lemmy here tends to hate the concept of choice and responsibility, because you know, everything is an evil conspiracy by billionaires… lol
Whiny and angry. Yeah you definitely are not independent. Emotionally small and immature.
Shut up nobody cares.
you’re the one calling me names.
and telling me to shut up.
maybe because you have nothing of substance to say in reply and it makes you upset and it causes your brain to feel not so good and you want to lash out?
Lol you’re being such a wiener. Grow up and work on yourself kiddo
you’re the one using playground insults? you are talking about yourself. giving yourself a little pep talk here it seems.
I suppose I’d have to disagree with that last statement, as someone who lives in a functioning multi-generational household lol. It’s not going to work for everyone every time, depending on circumstances, but having 3 generations in the house pooling resources is how most of the world does it.
It certainly helps to have a separate space/entrance for privacy and such, but now that we’re settled in, it’s far better than it was when we were going it alone. We have everything covered between the 3 adults, and then some: I work, cover utilities, build stuff, cook repair and maintain everything that needs repair and maintenance. The wife stays at home with our toddler. Her mom covers the mortgage and occasionally babysits when we need it. The occasional family friend who needs a place to crash for a while contributes their bit. We make adjustments here and there to keep everyone happy and maintain fairness. Everyone wins in this arrangement, and there’s no shame.
Your example is kind of an extreme trope IMO, I’ve only seen true “failure to launch” scenarios in media. I’m sure they exist somewhere, but it’s not too big an issue to be moralizing about.
Glad it works for you, for other folks, like myself, it would be a waking nightmare to live that way. Not everyone gets along with their family. For some people, being away from family is the only way they can be healthy and happy. For many people their families are nothing but a burden on them and a drain on their well-being. Not everyone has the luck of having family that is supportive and cooperative. Some of us come from families where our parents actively tried to fuck us over and fucked themselves over and we spend our entire life trying to get out of the self-imposed misery.
Further, again I"m not talking about multi-generational households by free choice or other cultural practices. I’m talking about people who are dependents, like they can’t function without their parents money or approval, and often are in toxic and abusive relationships with each other, where both parties would be better w/o the dependency.
You don’t understand anything. Your IQ must be fucking in negative numbers.
The fucking problem is that social mobility is a fucking myth, we’re not all in the fucking privilege bubble you live in, and we’re the majority.
You think finding a job is that easy? Even worse with the AI boom. And even if you find a job, it’s more likely to be a bad-paid shit job where you spend more going to your place of work than you get paid in wages. Then there is the issue that house prices are increasingly going up while wages are not only stagnating, but falling.
Social mobility is not a myth dude. But keep telling yourself that if makes you feel better about your life.
It’s true that many folks refuse to break the cycle of their misery. I’ve seen that countless times my entire life. Grew up in a shitty poor community full of people who fucked themselves over repeatedly, and well, I decided not to be like those people and my life got a lot better. And plenty of rich people out there actively choose to be miserable their entire lives. Money isn’t really the issue, so much as the cycle of shitty self-destructive choices and the refusal to change your life.
No, finding a job isn’t easy, but it’s also much harder when you have a shitty low-effort attitude. I hire people at my company. Most people who apply shoot themselves in the foot because they don’t know how to make themselves a appealing candidate.
Yeah well, that’s why you better get a job where your wages increase, shouldn’t you? Also why you should be saving and investing, and not blowing your money on short term bullshit like so many ‘poor’ people do.
Weird how many people I meet who are 35 and ‘broke’ who spend their entire life spending more than they made… funny how that works.