Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon’s parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
I really hope things work out in the end.
My wife’s cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home or got a job or a driver’s license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn’t want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won’t be ready until she’s experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they’re in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being “the only correct way to live” needs to fucking die.
I’ll take your thought process a step further here. I blame parents who raise children that dont leave for having children in the first place. Stop having children. Spay and neuter yourself. BOGO vasectomies for the people! Lol. Sorry, this one got a little away from me.
“I got a dog and kept it for 5 and a half years. Now I’ve had enough, and am kicking the dog out of my house. Time to live in the real world dog! I am a good dog owner.”
I believe parents should be ready to care for their children forever. Not only for disabled and handicapped kids, all of them. It should be a surprise a kid moves out.
That or suicide should be a selfless and honorable act. Since there isnt enough for everyone in the world, people who kill themselves are heros who are saving precious resources for those in need. A higher honor then military veterans.
You dont get to force people to exist, tell them to fucking shut up and get good, and also make suicide taboo. This life is your fault, deal with the problem you made. Being born is a consentless affair. Raped into life, forced into wage slavery, awaiting the relief of death.
Dont like it? Dont fucking have any kids deadbeats.
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it’s likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn’t wait 38 years and then one day just decided “this is it”.
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer.
or maybe mom and dad want to fucking retire… god forbid! since if he is 38 they are most likely 65+
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer
The ban hammer is contraception. But of course mommy and daddy love it raw. Now its your problem.
in that case you arrange for a bachelor apartment for the guy. hes a human being after all.
The dude is 38 and never got off his ass. How long are you going to enable this? They already did for two decades.
His parents are almost certainly 65+ and cannot afford to support themselves and a leech.
Maybe his parents should pull up their bootstraps and get two part time Walmart greeter jobs on opposite ends of town.
Calm down, pal! I’m sure mum will bring the tendies soon.
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
To do neither is objectively abuse.
There should be a government program to handle situations like this if there aren’t. Take an assessment of their current skills and interests and get them into employment and/or training for something that fits. You basically need to intervene when the parents won’t and do it in a way that’s as least stressful for the person as possible. It would pay off in the end because otherwise this person may end up on government assistance later when they most need it. Politicians who can pull this off may get to claim to have reduced unemployment in their reelection campaign. And it’s just a good thing to do. Some people won’t take the initiative. You have to do it for them and hold their hand.
Edit: As far as I can tell, the closest thing to this in the US is the one-stop centers. Each state has their own.
Wait, you guys don’t have that? US I assume? Damn, does your government do anything?
There are plenty of programs to help you get a job. Though, if you are 38, living with your parents, and never got off your ass to support yourself, the problem is you. A program that helps you get a job can’t do shit for you if you are this unmotivated.
Depending on where they live in the us and assuming it’s real, all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter. Make it clear that he needs help, then do the things asked. This all assumes he is mentally stable and physically well. there are programs but they do not hold your hand. They are not great, they are not the best as compared to other countries, but it is something. If he clean on drug tests and criminal there are many places that will take him. It won’t be pleasant.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
As many pointed out, this world is grossly difficult and Unfair, but as long as one is kind, truthful, and continues to try, people will at least attempt to help, or at least tell you honestly they can’t.
all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter
Famously very luxurious, accommodating, and safe places to live long term. There’s never a space shortage. You get three squares a day of very tasty and nutrious faire, no questions asked. There’s never any kind of Kafka-esque bureaucracy to gaining entrance, much less obligations on the people in the shelter to maintain residence. It’s definitely not boring. Nobody is ever exploited. Mental health of all the residents is top notch and you never experience and physical violence or emotional abuse while there.
It won’t be pleasant.
Understatement.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
“I’m broke, I have no transportation, and I’m about to be homeless”
“Have you talked to your lawyer about it?”
I feel like you are being a cunt on purpose, most of those points where addressed in the comment. Ok the lawyer one needed clarification. Disability lawyers are a little easier (not easy, easier) to obtain while in a homeless and jobless state. Starting off pro bono and eventually getting paid from the state in one way or another, or thro charities/non profits is not uncommon for them.
Yes it was a understatment about shelter life. But you got so dum and smarmy about it. Its still better that the fucking street. (at least in an american east coast city). Yea your still gonna get robbed, but their is a much lower chance of getting stomped, lit on fire, or just fucking raped.
Sounds like some seriously bad parenting. How do you not force your kid to get a job and pay for all their shit until 38. He doesn’t stand a chance being kicked out. Need to teach how to support yourself
It’s bad parenting alright. But I don’t believe that they’ve never made an effort before. More likely the guy has resisted any attempt to get him to be independent.
I wonder why the son resisted. Could it have anything to do with shitty parenting? Nahhhh
this happened to me at only 19. I was homeless for 4 months after.
I regularly tell my parents that the reason I am not like so many Americans, is that I have a supportive family. I live with my parents, but I would likely be homeless if they weren’t here for me.
But like … You do work or go to school or at least try to do something besides just mooch, right? This guy never even tried, apparently for two decades after high school
The government has wasted at least 176 Billion dollars in Iran over the past three months, the leader of our society has siphoned at least 2 Billion in the past two years, data centers with near zero product are draining the water and electricity from communities all over the country while playing hot potato with hundred of billions more, and you’re calling your peer a mooch for feeling unable to participate.
I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I’m old so I feel it’s ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it’s kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
I know people like this. Knew a quite a few people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35. I am in my 40s and I still meet single women who are living with/off mom and dad at my age… but people generally dont’ judge women for that.
Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt ‘adulthood’ should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it’s never.
And in my experience it’s largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.
In my demo it’s not living at home, it’s people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off… they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.
Also there is the issue emotional co-dependence, some parts are just totally co-dependent on their kids emotionally and don’t want them to ever leave, etc.
My nephew is in exactly this position. My sister and her husband make plenty of money, they felt emotionally attached, he’s diagnosed as ADHD, so he gets a pass on some things. He’s 32.
I know millennials hate that older people criticize them and I get it, but every millennial I know is in exactly this position and I don’t understand how anyone can hold his head high knowing he essentially can’t take care of himself.
On the other hand, I grew up in a different time. I graduated with $9k of debt, not $100k. I devoted decades of my life working to make someone else rich. So who’s smarter, me or my nephew?
I mean, if they’re ok with him living there, who am I to judge? My only real complaint is that he feels entitled to things he hasn’t earned. My sister plays disc golf with me. He played with us briefly. He won’t let her use “his” discs. The discs she paid for. He demands to sit in the front seat of the car sometimes, not request it. I’m sorry, but if Mom says she wants the front seat, Mom gets the fucking front seat. Not sure if this is generational or just him. But as a genX, I try to be understanding, because I see how the country has gone, but it can be tough sometimes, because from my perspective, he’s getting a 100% free ride and should be friggin grateful.
does he legit have that debt? or are you just generalizing? most people don’t have 100K of debt… some people do and those folks aren’t smart people and their bad choice making tends to compound their situation over time. I have known folks with the 100K of debt… and trust me those people knew what they were doing, they just refused to pay down their debt…
I had 35K of debt, and paid $15K of it off in two years on a 30K job, because I made it a priority and I didn’t want to be poor forever.
A lot of bad parents enable their children’s bad choices and they have to live with the consequences. His parents taught him to be entitled and rude probably because they did not practice discipline or punishment for poor actions. But you’re right it’s none of your business really. You can’t fix anyone else’s bad choices. It’s not his generation, it’s just him and how he was raised.
No. He has no debt. I meant that as a general statement about how things were more affordable for me than for millennials. It was easier for me to forge out on my own than it is for today’s youth. I’ve just heard of people graduating with $100k. It really makes you switch your thinking. Before, I would have expected any child of mine to go to college. Now I would understand if he or she didn’t want to. I have no children, so I dodged that bullet. LOL.
the average student debt is like 30K.
i had a friend who graduated in 2007 with 100K in debt… it was also possible to do that 20 years ago… if you were really dumb. She was really dumb. She had that debt load from a lower-cost public school… she just make really bad financial choices… and then went ot graduate school for 6 years so the debt wasn’t’ getting paid back… and then got a low-wage job afterward… yeah
Horrible parenting tbh. And their son reminds them everyday how they failed as parents so they’re just kicking him out.
Yep, I think kicking your kids out when they turn 18 is fucked. But, it’s better to do it at 18 than 38.
I don’t know what the solution is, but it’s not this.
This is child abuse.
