So I got feeling for a woman that I share a hobby with and I run into her fairly regularly, she also surprises and impresses me.
She probably knows I have feelings because I said I care about her over text (out of legitimate concern). Now I’m catching myself laughing at the things she says and I actually asked her to calm down because I was laughing at her and another person going at it while im high on an edible in the courthouse.
Like I haven’t pursue a relationship. She has a boyfriend and I’m learning healthy relationships (I used to be more antisocial).
I do feel like I come off as a friend,but I feel like women know mens feelings
It’s ok to have feelings and be attracted. But if they are in a relationship it’s better to accept it. You can crush and enjoy your time together as friends. You never know what it could lead to. You might learn valuable things from a relationship that you don’t see coming with someone else’s who is watching. It’s always best to be honest and accept what is not in your cards
I’m sitting here wondering if she’s polyamorous. I could ask but there’s no way to bring that up.
Stop wondering, that is a hell of an assumption to even consider, and if you keep that thought active in your head, you risk making a decision that not only blows up in your face but also creating a huge mess that affects many around you.
Is speculation an assumption? You make it sound bad that I’m guessing something based on related comments in the past.
Am I just not supposed to think of her as polyamorous?
Correct.
Look, it is simple, her current personal relationship is none of your business, and by speculating and allowing yourself to assign the label “polyamorous” to her, you involve yourself in her relationship, you also start building a mental version of her that is detached from reality if you let it go far enough.
This will cause you to act irrationally and increase the heartache once the inevitable blow up happens.
Yeah I legitimately don’t care about her relationship with her boyfriend outside of it presumably being an important relationship to her. To me, it’s more important that I respect any boundaries that she puts up even if they’re boundaries that protect her relationship.
Even if she hates me I’d still respect her. I can’t treat her worse than a stranger just she doesn’t like me
I know where this type of thinking leads to. Please listen to the other commenter. Save yourself the trouble and anguish. I wish I had someone like them offering this advice when I needed it. I fucked up a perfectly good friendship and I don’t wish the same for you.
Do you not love your friends?
I feel like I should go all in on love even though I hesitate. I don’t mean love between two people of opposite genders, I should mean love between friends with other men
Sure, the same way I love my sisters.
If going all in means trying to initiate a relationship with someone who’s already in a relationship then you’re asking for trouble.
Out of context, it sounds like you’re in a relationship with your sister.
I don’t want to be like “I’m taking it slow”, but we have mutual goals and our own lives. So far I’ve been using the feelings to motivate me to know her better. Full on relationship seems too far into the future if it were to ever happen.
I’m not going to reply to this thread any further but I will leave you with this: You’re dillusional. Speaking from experience. I don’t say that to mean, I say that because you need to hear it. If you act on your feelings, you will very likely hurt both yourself and her. This won’t lead to any positive relationship.
Shake one out real quick, clear your head, and think for a minute; if she was poly AND knows you have feelings for her, would she treat you as just a friend?
A healthy poly couple would be communicating with you openly, individually and as a group. You’d be having a lot of conversations by now.
Probably not, but she might cheat. Would you still want her if that were true, though? Should you?
I don’t Care if she cheats? I’m fine with the idea of her being polyamorous
You are more attracted by the idea, the possibility of her, than by her.
That is immensely irrespectful of her, and we as women know far too much the toxicity and behavior that comes from this kind of reasoning - you may end up possessive and abusive.
Follow other comments : get your shit together, look at the situation with honesty and maturity, and stop projecting your fantasms on someone who didn’t ask for it.
I like how she’s good at communication and I do find her hilarious. Before I had any feelings for her I thought she was an honest person that puts out who she is for everyone to see. She used to be 1 of many people in a social group.
Bring polyamorous is not the same as cheating while in a committed monogamous relationship. If she cheats it means she can’t be trusted.
I trust her now. Women can fall for temptation. Idk anything about partners or relationships
Dude, never ignore cheating. If she cheats, even with you, it means that it can happen again and nothing is stopping her from cheating with someone else while being with you.
I’m not ignoring cheating. I’m just apathetic to her cheating. At this point her cheating would be having consentual sex with another adult (not referring to myself). I’ve only seen her boyfriend at one event. Idk man seems like people can love multiple people
Those two things are not the same. Quite the opposite in fact.
Others have already said that it’s a huge assumption to think of her as polyamorous without any proof, but I’ll add that if you think cheating and being polyamorous are the same thing you should read something about polyamory.
Do people even read what I said. I’m not conflating cheating with being polyamorous