So I got feeling for a woman that I share a hobby with and I run into her fairly regularly, she also surprises and impresses me.
She probably knows I have feelings because I said I care about her over text (out of legitimate concern). Now I’m catching myself laughing at the things she says and I actually asked her to calm down because I was laughing at her and another person going at it while im high on an edible in the courthouse.
Like I haven’t pursue a relationship. She has a boyfriend and I’m learning healthy relationships (I used to be more antisocial).
I do feel like I come off as a friend,but I feel like women know mens feelings
Depends on the woman, but in your case it’s probably obvious.
up-vote for answering my question. it’s been fun being wrong about her and learning who she is when she objects to my assumptions about her. for all know shes used to getting a lot love from everyone, i might not even be close the person that shows her the most affection.
No, women don’t know other people’s feelings (unless they’ve been told).
Some women are very good at guessing, or interpreting signals, just as some women are terrible at it. Most women, like most humans, are better at interpreting emotions in people they already know very well as opposed to strangers, but it’s still a guess regardless of how close to the truth it is.
Maybe some women are supernatural mind-readers, but most I’ve met have been regular humans, with regular human powers.
you get an upvote for answering my question. yeah i do have this thought in the back of my head that we dont completely understand each other when we talk to each other, also i tried to read the body language of a deputy charged with killing an innocent civilian to get a hint of the emotional state. like i dont believe him when he says “I was afraid” but i have to doubt my interpretation a little because the events was 2 years ago. it get weird with court cases
You know what’s cool about women? While I’m no expert, they seem to be basically men with different hills and valleys … And admittedly societal expectations.
Do you know when women are into you?
high on an edible in the courthouse
Okay what?
I kinda can’t believe you cut off the quote there, because that whole sentence is wild. I’m just going to expand the scope a little bit…
I was laughing at her and another person going at it while im high on an edible in the courthouse.
By “going at it”, what are we saying here?
I’m just trying to make this image in my head make sense, two people are going at it in a courthouse, this guy is high on edibles while watching it, and laughing uncontrollably.
I was more fixated on being high in a courthouse because that sounds absolutely awful
Sounds to me like it’s a group chat and OP was for some reason high in a courthouse laughing at two people arguing, or play arguing, in said group chat.
I’m also curious. About the preceding bit too.
I wasn’t on trial. I was showing solidarity for the survivors of Rodger fortson
Dude, is that fucking better?
Yeah, when you’re in the pews at the courthouse your not under any pressure
You’re right and next time you should try a heroic dose of LSD in a situation like that.
Fuck that. I never tried LSD but I doubt I want to try to sit their calm with monsters crawling up my ass
Yea that still sounds like a truly awful place to be baked
That username though… Bruh.
It’s an old family name
Ah yes, the Smegmas. How do you do.
Ha, I can understand, I don’t get anxiety like I used to on weed, but I can see it with all the bailiffs and having to go through the metal detector. Oh and you can have a judge testify against you if you’re caught 🤣 that’s high profile.
I had a mission in mind sit behind the family, look nice and well kept, look focused, find Small details that can suggest regret or going to trial.
Most important mission, thank the stenographer for their service.
It’s ok to have feelings and be attracted. But if they are in a relationship it’s better to accept it. You can crush and enjoy your time together as friends. You never know what it could lead to. You might learn valuable things from a relationship that you don’t see coming with someone else’s who is watching. It’s always best to be honest and accept what is not in your cards
I’m sitting here wondering if she’s polyamorous. I could ask but there’s no way to bring that up.
I’m sitting here wondering if she’s polyamorous.
Stop wondering, that is a hell of an assumption to even consider, and if you keep that thought active in your head, you risk making a decision that not only blows up in your face but also creating a huge mess that affects many around you.
Is speculation an assumption? You make it sound bad that I’m guessing something based on related comments in the past.
Am I just not supposed to think of her as polyamorous?
Am I just not supposed to think of her as polyamorous?
Correct.
Look, it is simple, her current personal relationship is none of your business, and by speculating and allowing yourself to assign the label “polyamorous” to her, you involve yourself in her relationship, you also start building a mental version of her that is detached from reality if you let it go far enough.
This will cause you to act irrationally and increase the heartache once the inevitable blow up happens.
Yeah I legitimately don’t care about her relationship with her boyfriend outside of it presumably being an important relationship to her. To me, it’s more important that I respect any boundaries that she puts up even if they’re boundaries that protect her relationship.
Even if she hates me I’d still respect her. I can’t treat her worse than a stranger just she doesn’t like me
I know where this type of thinking leads to. Please listen to the other commenter. Save yourself the trouble and anguish. I wish I had someone like them offering this advice when I needed it. I fucked up a perfectly good friendship and I don’t wish the same for you.
Do you not love your friends?
I feel like I should go all in on love even though I hesitate. I don’t mean love between two people of opposite genders, I should mean love between friends with other men
Sure, the same way I love my sisters.
If going all in means trying to initiate a relationship with someone who’s already in a relationship then you’re asking for trouble.
Out of context, it sounds like you’re in a relationship with your sister.
I don’t want to be like “I’m taking it slow”, but we have mutual goals and our own lives. So far I’ve been using the feelings to motivate me to know her better. Full on relationship seems too far into the future if it were to ever happen.
Shake one out real quick, clear your head, and think for a minute; if she was poly AND knows you have feelings for her, would she treat you as just a friend?
A healthy poly couple would be communicating with you openly, individually and as a group. You’d be having a lot of conversations by now.
Probably not, but she might cheat. Would you still want her if that were true, though? Should you?
I don’t Care if she cheats? I’m fine with the idea of her being polyamorous
You are more attracted by the idea, the possibility of her, than by her.
That is immensely irrespectful of her, and we as women know far too much the toxicity and behavior that comes from this kind of reasoning - you may end up possessive and abusive.
Follow other comments : get your shit together, look at the situation with honesty and maturity, and stop projecting your fantasms on someone who didn’t ask for it.
I like how she’s good at communication and I do find her hilarious. Before I had any feelings for her I thought she was an honest person that puts out who she is for everyone to see. She used to be 1 of many people in a social group.
Bring polyamorous is not the same as cheating while in a committed monogamous relationship. If she cheats it means she can’t be trusted.
I trust her now. Women can fall for temptation. Idk anything about partners or relationships
Dude, never ignore cheating. If she cheats, even with you, it means that it can happen again and nothing is stopping her from cheating with someone else while being with you.
I’m not ignoring cheating. I’m just apathetic to her cheating. At this point her cheating would be having consentual sex with another adult (not referring to myself). I’ve only seen her boyfriend at one event. Idk man seems like people can love multiple people
Those two things are not the same. Quite the opposite in fact.
Others have already said that it’s a huge assumption to think of her as polyamorous without any proof, but I’ll add that if you think cheating and being polyamorous are the same thing you should read something about polyamory.
Do people even read what I said. I’m not conflating cheating with being polyamorous
Even if she does know your feelings, that does not make it that she wants or will reciprocate.
You have been provided some great answers here and reply by jumping to a narrative othat fits what you want Your language is not really about her TBH, its all about you, which is fair its your head, but if you really liked her, you would consider her wants, and likely understand that you may get hurt in the long run by perusing someone who has not responded and is in a relationship.
Great unanswered question, something I already new, and now I’m getting debate lorded.
Dude the question is if she knows I have feelings from my actions. I think I even said I’m not pursuing a relationship. It’s really live a female friend I have feelings for.
they might, but they also dont want to be creeped on.
I like how you answer the question instead of giving me vague warnings.
Idk if the affection I give is perceived as strongly from her perspective. Like I’ve been holding onto this magic card she gave me for a while and she could see if as me appreciating her act of kindness or she thinks nothing of it 🤣.
She can’t know if you don’t tell her. Sure, she can guess and make assumptions, but that’s not knowing.
That said, she’s in a relationship. That should be enough for you to back off and find someone who’s free and interested instead.
Tell her would remove all doubt, buuuut I’m probably not going to shy away from love
Men are become very easily attracted to people because they’re generally pretty lonely and not used to attention. Women can pretty much assume that’s on the table if they want it
Lol you got hate for reference the lonilness epidemic. Idk if women think like this, but like a single man has a high likelihood like 70+% they at least have attraction.
Yep. It’s in this weird cultural place where addressing it somehow simultaneously pisses off progressives and reactionaries.
I’ve known some women who can talk maturely about it but yeah the majority of people are just too entrenched in their shit. Like it feels like common sense that men should “just get over it”, go touch grass, and we shouldn’t really examine the how the world economy runs on people’s estrangement.
world economy runs on people’s estrangement.
Yeah I know that people that don’t organize are easier to exploit.
Single men are discriminated against apparently. I am a single man, but strangers can assume I have a partner somewhere in the world, plus I can talk about my nieces and nephews, I can get that family guy cred. Apparently single men can come off as rapist, chomos, or creeps. I guess single men could be viewed as wife snatchers.
I guess I hear that married men get more positive reception than single men from men and women
Yeah that’s definitely a thing. It’s called the Wedding Ring Effect. The consequences of that are kind of wild when you think about it but I guess I can see why it happens.
I low key kind of miss the attention I used to get when I was in a long term relationship but that’s like a hand grenade of a prickly thing to unpack. Does that make me a fuckboy? What does that say about the women who gave me more attention when they knew I was taken? Are they literally attracted to committed men or are we just assumed to be less inherently dangerous if we’re in a relationship? Clearly that’s a bad thing to assume because of what it could enable abusers to do
