You must log in or register to comment.
good looking people look good no matter what they wear.
Like a hot guy with a trilby hat and a Naruto tshirt can still pull game. While a ugly neckbeard in an expensive suit would still have a difficult time getting a single date.
Not going to lie. I would be SO attracted to that. I am so very into people that can be their genuine self without pretending to be what society expects.
I use a wheelchair a lot. I used to be shy about it and try to come up with a way to have the first time someone saw me be on my feet.
Now I’m the other way around, I want prospective lovers to see me in my chair first. Learned that if they can’t get past that, it’s not gonna work.
I’m meeting much nicer people. And I’m actually doing better at meeting people at parties.
Crazy how being comfortable with a mobility device is more appealing than leaning on a cane with a pained expression on your face. 😲
Were people generally accepting of your ambulatory wheelchair status? In my experience people assume that if I have a wheelchair I must be super-glued to it at all times, and make weird comments if I ever stand up
Yeah, people have been super cool about it at furry stuff and kink stuff. But both of those scenes attract people who are able to understand that you can’t fit everybody in a box.
I swear some women are as clueless about men as men are about women. I’m sure huge amount of this is because schools insist that sexed is gender separated.
Why is wearing glasses and pyjamas supposed to be a turn-off?
You know when women go on about how they have to have a different dress for every party, it is literally only women the care. Men aren’t going to even notice if you’re wearing the same thing two dates in a row. The catty comments come from other women. As a man I don’t have nice clothes, I just have clothes. If we’re going on a date I’m just going to be wearing clothes, I don’t have special items that I only wear on a date so I am really not going to mind if you don’t either.
She’s gorgeous, university educated, funny, but I can’t believe she’d wear those shoes to 2 consecutive social gatherings! No way I’m touching that pussy now.
I have a nicer sort of clothes in my whole garderobe but only like one or two dress shirts or not too casual looking shirts and polo tshirts. That’s it.
I had an ex at one time who would get mad that I didn’t check out other women.
Like, she would assume I was doing it, but then when she realized I wasn’t it would turn into a fight about how I’m not and every guy does.
When I’m in a relationship I really don’t have eyes for anyone else. The need to find someone just kinda turns off.
She would also get mad and start a fight whenever I said she looked good without makeup, because I was a liar.
After that relationship, self confidence became a huge checkbox I reviewed before entering any possible relationship.
I hate makeup… i have told my wife for over a decade that I dont care for it and it looks worse in my opinion. She has mostly stopped wearing it or will do a small amount for big parties and thats it. She tells me to this day she doesnt believe me though and all I can say is that’s super sad.
Maybe she likes to wear makeup for herself?
I agree with ya. Wanna get a 'lil fancy with it? Eye shadow, eyeliner, lipstick, and you’re good to go. I love my black women ✨𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓵𝓮.✨
Agreed.
My wife has never worn makeup and she is, in my eyes, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, flaws especially.
Dude no shade. But also not all dudes are the same.
For example, I care what a girl wears. I don’t care if she wears it many times, but I care if she dresses nicely and works on looking nice. Also I have multiple suits, different clothes for sports, work, camping etc.
Yeah but PJs are sexy. If she is comfortable wearing pyjamas around me that’s great in my opinion. I’m unclear about how exactly this is supposed to be something I would be turned off by, and why that is therefore “a filter”.
Congrats you would pass her test.
I’m kind of in between you two… I find people attractive when they appear to be comfortable in their own skin. If that’s in a hoodie and ripped jeans and combat boots, hell yeah. If she’s a “girly girl” and you can tell she just really genuinely enjoys dolling up and having everything look on point, also hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
It’s again like most Lemmy (and the bad R users) can only exist in black and in white. Absolutely no shade inbetween >_>.
It could be an “empowerment” issue.
Dresses and fancy preparation are empowering. They show that this person manages their life well and is successful. That of course all sounds positive. Only problem is, to someone struggling with that issue, it can be intimidating.
I struggle to find a good way to express this, but guys like myself since school have grappled with a perception that women “have more social power than them”. Even if the guy isn’t a total loser with a rented home that consists of a TV and a pillow, girls are viewed as a pedestal-standing respected social icon by comparison. That’s definitely not universally actually true, but under young hormones it seems that way.
Hence why pajamas, glasses, or to extend further: VTuber streamers that joke about failing basic life skills, or not showering that week, are often a successful endeavor. They show someone more humanized, disempowered and flawed. Question is whether a woman is okay with accepting a bit of that debasement to put someone at ease.
It doesn’t have to feel like a debasement to her - depends on the woman. And yep, appearing approachable can be a winning strategy.
Try being a woman for a change and maybe you’ll understand it bud.
Yep I’ll get right on that. Sex change operation might have to wait until Monday though.
Sounds like something Jess in The New Girl would do.
There’s an awful lot of comments here about women not knowing what men find attractive, for it being a post literally about a woman weeding out men by finding what they think is attractive.
Women don’t know what men find attractive.
Some men don’t know what women look like without make-up, but plenty of men genuinely prefer women without make-up. They certainly don’t care about fashion. Glasses are rarely a turn-off. Plenty like retainers/braces.
It’s not unlikely the college room-mate thought she was at her ugliest, when in reality she’d turned herself into catnip for her future husband.
It’s a bit like guys who think women will find them attractive if they become a roided out super monster, but in reality they’ll only attract interest (sexual or otherwise) from other guys.
It’s also kinda hot when a woman lets you see her without being all done up. It’s like a secret privilege of trust.
And it shows she not insecure about it. Confidence is attractive.
deleted by creator
I’ve felt the same way about women bending over.
Obviously, peering at someone’s ass can lean towards creepy or voyeuristic. Any woman knows this - many changed over to squatting to pick things up even when alone. So, if she’s okay with a full bend, even if the guy barely even looks, it’s a separate “trust kink” - that she knows he’s there and doesn’t anticipate his mind objectifying her that way.
Oh my god, you think women bending at the waist is a deliberate invitation to look at their ass?
That’s not really what I meant; just that passed-down wisdom often leads women to caution each other it’s a common (albeit undeserved) consequence.
I wrote “Not anticipating his objectification” rather than “Not looking” because it’s often difficult to specifically make sure someone is fully outside your field of vision the moment they reach for something on the ground.
Women should be able to pick things off the floor without having to think of how many different ways they can do so that isn’t an open invitation for men to ogle their ass.
Just because a woman bends at the waist instead of squatting doesn’t mean she’s inviting wandering eyes.
My wife will scold me for not looking. I love her for that.
i was sharing journal excerpts with a friend yesterday and found this relevant one:
“The best advice I have regarding love and finding it is to stop trying so hard to be perfect. People don’t want perfect, they want human. A lot of them just don’t know it yet.”
Everyone’s vision of Perfection is different, so you’re really gambling there… I can say that while perfection might look nice on the outside, no one’s truly perfect. I don’t want to see the facade, I want to see the person underneath. The blemishes and faults and unpolished truth are WAY more attractive.
I just feel like expecting perfection - regardless of how you personally define it - is foolish and sets a person up for disappointment.
Men care about a specific silhouette range, and specific disqualifing facial features, and then sometimes horrible personalities, and that is the total sum. Each one of those things is somewhat negotiable if other aspects are superior as well. And the bar lowers depending on the last time they’ve finished, unless it’s been too long, then the bar goes back to baseline. Nobody is that complicated.
I can’t imagine why you’d have trouble landing a quality relationship with that shining personality
This seems demeaning and reductionist to both men AND women, which I feel is like an achievement in itself. Well done.
It is specifically reductionist and true almost always, so I don’t consider that demeaning. Everyone wants to think they are more complex or considering but most innate decisions just aren’t. People just are delusional and not introspective at all.
Unlike you, the smartest of the intellectuals.
It sounds like you have let your negative experiences taint your worldview.
It’s not uncommon. My wife was cheated on a bunch, so it’s very hard for her to accept that I have no interest in other women.
If you’ve experienced a bunch of rejection by men over your looks, it would also very hard to not assume that every man thinks this way.
Both are mostly just confirmation bias, though.
We took it to the extreme. Our first date was a trip to another country with backpacks, a small tent, a bag of rice and one of those small gas stove. She cursed at me and the world on our first hiking trip, while sweating like a horse. She was in a terrible form and do not enjoy hiking trips.
We had to shower in the lakes, and they were cold AF, so… I did not present myself from my best side…
We also nearly died. But, we’ve been together for 10+ years now.
We stress tested the shit out of our relationship on that trip.
After our near death experience, we settled somewhere nice, but during that night we were hit by an hurricane and my tent broke, forcing me to stay up all night, holding it together, while she slept. It was a special date.
You two sound like a couple of fuckin maniacs, thanks for taking each other off the market for the rest of us!
Holy shit maniacs. My wifes first time meeting my family we went to meet them at a state park campsite and the cabin didnt have room for us. We slept cuddled up freezing on two camp chairs facing each other. She was a trooper and we’ve been married 16 years tomorrow…
We are not normal, and don’t strive to be it either. We also don’t think any of us could find another partner, so we will most likely be off the market forever. You are welcome.
That sounds so memorable. I’d rather have that than any “perfect” date.
Thanks. It was a really awesome trip, and we just got really close really early on, and we just knew at point, that we liked each other a lot. And we have some really funny and great memories from 6 days in the “wilderness”.
For a first date she willingly followed someone out of the country and into the wilderness‽ It sounds like it worked out well in the end but was she trying to end up as a missing person?
yeah. But, we had known each other since we were 16, but never dated before.
This is like Should I Marry a Murderer documentary
“Dave was so nice, he was a 6 time widower and loved Freeform hiking. we’d always joke that Susan should stay close or else she’d become number 7. Nobody could have known what he was capable of.”
Image of Dave water skiing suddenly inverts colors
Hey, I think my wife would have been the murderer and not me.
I’ll buy it.
Bro is still holding the marriage together like the tattered tent
Bro…
+1 for men that don’t tolerate excessive makeup, fake tts, long nails, mile long eye lashes etc. nothing is more beautiful than natural woman.
She sounds like a keeper tbh
Yes, but when did she show her ugliest? Some time later, or…?
Woman displays extreme confidence in trusting her date with her authentic self. Surprised pepe when they appreciate that.
Of course if your authentic self is dressed to the nines all day every day then go off queen
Partner: (in footie Grinch pajamas) We live in a cynical world, a cynical, cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You complete me. And if I just had…
Me: (interrupting) Shut up. Just shut up…You had me at footie Grinch pajamas. You had me at footie Grinch pajamas.
I want these footie grinch pajamas
Yeah? Well I would rather not have a Jack off sandwich
Couldn’t have me if you wanted. Been off the market for 17 years
My current wife used to wear makeup and fake eyelashes and right when we started dating i told her she was only going to ruin her face with that and that it doesn’t make that much of a difference.
My wife is 11 years older than me and she occasionally puts on makeup to feel a bit better just for herself, we’ve been together for 6 years and married since August last year.
i told her she was only going to ruin her face with that
Gross
Oof, I don’t think I’d like being told that. I don’t even wear makeup now that the better Korean and mineral sunscreens are available but for decades used foundation to protect my skin and it worked. I’m with you on the eyelashes but makeup is not in any way ruinous to skin and to come out the gate with a declaration like that, I would have found it so off-putting.
They may or may not be doing permanent damage but women do a lot of horrific things to their faces with makeup, eyebrows, makeup tattoos, and surgery.
There is a pretty big echo chamber with fashion and it can send things off the rails fast. Same thing happens with body builders, plastic surgery aficionados, and looksmaxers and basically any group you can think of.
Sure. But plenty of women enjoy doing makeup to please themselves, and there’s nothing inherently damaging in most of it, some is even made to help your skin.
My husband likes the no makeup too, but he sure would not try to tell me it would “ruin my face”. I mean - at this point he knows it doesn’t as I’m holding up a lot better than he is. But regardless, it’s just not really his call.
Those eyelashes, yeah - I think they are dangerous. Also filler, Botox, not gonna do any of that, they don’t look good long term and would not object to an “intervention” if I did because it’s at least ruinously expensive if nothing else.
I wouldn’t put makeup in the same category as tattoos and surgery.
My wife rarely ever puts on makeup. The cost savings alone is amazing enough that i love her for it lol
And the time savings is big too. On the very occasional time my wife puts on makeup to go out, it means I know we’re going to be late.
A girl did that with me once. We didn’t get married, but we did have a pretty long relationship.
Can I suggest onions, farting and scratching of ass too? It will weed someone out.
