I always find these sentiments puzzling. As someone who tries to be nice to everyone I simply don’t encounter people like this. I’m not sure if I’m subconsciously avoiding bonding with such people, I’ve been lucky, or what. But I have a pretty big social circle so the second one seems hard to believe.
Have you ever done anyone a favor and they pushed a little harder than you were comfortable? Or complained while you were helping? Or got mad at you for not doing even more?
All while never having reciprocated kindness in any meaningful way and over time just increasing the favors in quantity and scale?
I have made a lot of friends like that over the years. I’m better at spotting them now than I used to be. It’s easier to not make friends than to keep making friends like that, not see it for a while and then have your heart broken when you realize they never liked you for you, but for what you provided
I wish I had someone in my life to warn me. I think I always assume people come from a place of altruism because that’s where I’m at, but I really think I could benefit from someone that could just tell me reality before my head is too far in the clouds.
I think studying that nuance is important before giving advice.
Telling a person to just be nice with absolutely no other factor can paint a target on their head and put them in danger.
Such as the power of observance to sense a danger. Place, location could be important. As is time. If you’re in more chances of being around the same people repeatedly to be able to assess their behaviour as safe enough would be another nuance that is important to know.
you can be nice to anyone without making friends which is ok but making friends with them is vastly different. friend ship is a whole other channel involving give, take, sharing, trust, boundaries, vulnerability, time and intimacy and should be treated with care.
And …Well for all we know of eachother as strangers online anyone on here could be this person who is being nice to everyone and are being completely taken advantage of. They could be full boil in a codpendency and have a distorted sense this is friendship. And just on here giving bad advice to others to get taken advantage of cus they believe dysfunction is how relationships work. The person giving the bad advice have no such boundaries and even perhaps hate and judge such boundaries as it means some hard self reflection.
I always find these sentiments puzzling. As someone who tries to be nice to everyone I simply don’t encounter people like this. I’m not sure if I’m subconsciously avoiding bonding with such people, I’ve been lucky, or what. But I have a pretty big social circle so the second one seems hard to believe.
Have you ever done anyone a favor and they pushed a little harder than you were comfortable? Or complained while you were helping? Or got mad at you for not doing even more? All while never having reciprocated kindness in any meaningful way and over time just increasing the favors in quantity and scale?
I have made a lot of friends like that over the years. I’m better at spotting them now than I used to be. It’s easier to not make friends than to keep making friends like that, not see it for a while and then have your heart broken when you realize they never liked you for you, but for what you provided
You sound like my mother. But with her even when I warn her about the person, she is somehow unable to understand narcissists and sociopaths exist.
I wish I had someone in my life to warn me. I think I always assume people come from a place of altruism because that’s where I’m at, but I really think I could benefit from someone that could just tell me reality before my head is too far in the clouds.
codependency is a thing where a person is the exact puzzle piece that fits with a narcissist and equally hates boundaries.
I think studying that nuance is important before giving advice.
Telling a person to just be nice with absolutely no other factor can paint a target on their head and put them in danger.
Such as the power of observance to sense a danger. Place, location could be important. As is time. If you’re in more chances of being around the same people repeatedly to be able to assess their behaviour as safe enough would be another nuance that is important to know.
you can be nice to anyone without making friends which is ok but making friends with them is vastly different. friend ship is a whole other channel involving give, take, sharing, trust, boundaries, vulnerability, time and intimacy and should be treated with care.
And …Well for all we know of eachother as strangers online anyone on here could be this person who is being nice to everyone and are being completely taken advantage of. They could be full boil in a codpendency and have a distorted sense this is friendship. And just on here giving bad advice to others to get taken advantage of cus they believe dysfunction is how relationships work. The person giving the bad advice have no such boundaries and even perhaps hate and judge such boundaries as it means some hard self reflection.